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Sexual Abusers and Abusive Sexuality (7a)

November 20, 2017

What Can Men Do? to improve the lives of women in this regard! What can a man do? Each Man. If you are a man, dear reader, then on this page I’m thinking directly at, and with, you (while hoping—oh my—that readers who are women can somehow sustain their patience). This page is man-(albeit narrator)-to-man. What can a man do in this regard to improve the lives of the women he knows, and women he will never know?

Let’s take an angle on it: What could an ante-bellum plantation owner do to improve the lives of his slaves? Right! He could stop being an owner. And do that in a way that would prevent ownership.

Another angle: Every now and then I remember, and wish I didn’t have to, a film clip that I saw, black and white, of a woman standing waist-deep in a small pit. There are many men standing above and around her. I watch them throw heavy stones at her head. She tries to duck. The image is very hard to write about. Such pain.  Such cruelty, such arrogance, such callousness, such learned and taught disempathy. And such outrageous injustice. What had she done that those men might imagine (as indeed they do) that she deserved this discipline at their hands? Well of course. She was a female who was accused of doing something, or trying to do something, or proposing to do something, or imagining herself doing something, or being tempted by a man to do something, that males do. Intolerable.

That’s what all this is about.  It’s a power play.  Let’s not pretend it isn’t. So what can a man do?

As Rilke put it, “You must change your life.” That is an order, by the very light itself, that shines upon us, all around us, from within. We must see that light, really look into it, with our full imagination, and let it form us into something new. It is the light of integrity, of body, beauty, and soul. It is the light of reason, and it is the light of heavenly harmony. Call on it for help.

I’ve been interviewing, nay interrogating, the author, about memories from a long life with all this (more of that on a later page, including his experience of the construction of binary gender awareness). He remembers the ‘70s, when, in his 40s (it’s never too late) he was just beginning to be shown the light, in this regard. He often heard women say to each other—and sometimes to him—“Men don’t change.” It was an important wake-up call. “Get out of there, before. . . .” Definitely he got the point. But the dictum seemed to imply not only that men never change, but that men can’t change. To him that seemed strange, because he was used to thinking that a feature of Being is that everything is changing, all the time. Could men be the exception?

Nope. Turns out that men can and do change. Sometimes they get worse. But they can change for the better, too. With help from their friends, they can change themselves. So if you’re a man, you can change. Work on yourself. (And if you need professional help, get it!)

I know men who have worked hard and made remarkable progress. If you are one of them, you know what I’m talking about, but you do not exempt yourself from the universal crisis. You keep working.

So, in keeping with the narratorial position that I sketched on page (4) of this episode, on page (7b) I’ll think a bit about a very big change that you (each man) can make: You (we) can re-imagine sexuality.  Actively.  Let’s do it!

[Update: Okay, but for starters, something easy: Don’t do something id-iotic like this (as modeled by Sen. Franken). To some men, grabbing someone by the butt seems innocuous enough; but actually it’s a demeaning, objectifying, self-gratifying power play. It will make you look like a child who doesn’t know any better, or like you can’t control your impulses, or you think it’s okay to hurt someone just a little bit if you feel like it, or . . . oh it just gets worse and worse.

Update of the update:  Read this.  11-22 But now two more allegations.]

[Pages (1) & (6) & (7b), & (7c) & (7d) working on more 7s and meanwhile have pushed on to (8).]

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