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2016 Hittler Prize

December 17, 2016

Believing that evil should not go unnoticed, until it degenerates to the level of banality; realizing that in an age of celebrity, enchantment, branding, duplicity, and nonsense, notoriety is the appropriate reward for damaging million of lives; and wanting to eclipse the international honors awarded by the American Sociopathic Society (ASS), and the American pSychopathic Society (ASS), the Amerika Über Alles (AÜA) fund has announced the first recipient of its coveted Hittler, “Make America Great Again” Prize, for Persistent Innovative Use of Democratic Processes in the Subversion of Democracy, and Its Replacement with an American Übermensch, a Leader.

In awarding this prize, the AÜA has emerged from the obscurity into which it was cast by FDR. Little is known with certainty about this patriotic service club, but a Macedonian teenage journalist has accidently released an internal email circulated among members of the Russian we’re-not-Putin hacking team, sharing details from a hacked AÜA document that appears to reveal the fundamental psychopathological traits of the organization and its rumored members. As suspected, it is a white male Secret Society with ceremonial seed cap, secret stiff-fingered hand shake, and the motto, Manibus Magnus Mentula Procerus (digitally trans., magnificent hand towering dickhead). While possibly having been founded in China, shortly before the end of WWII, by John Birch, a Fundamental Baptist missionary and Army Air Force intelligence officer, today members believe they are nominated by Satan, vetted by the Koch Bros (NLC), and selected by God. Candidates provide evidence of divine selection in a “personal narrative” of awakening to a thirst for wealth, power, privilege, and exclusivity.

The 2016 H P has been awarded to The Republican Party of the United States.

Citing its impressive record of:

using state laws and agencies to suppress the vote of targeted groups;

gerrymandering congressional districts to guarantee their majority in Congress;

legalizing election theft;

lying, propagandizing, and generally subverting the concepts of fact and truth; championing relativity of morality; and perverting language;

commercializing information and media;

demagoguing prejudice and fear to divide voters into antagonistic groups who vote emotionally against their own best quality of life;

using federal agencies to discredit candidates and to affect opposition voter turnout;

privatizating common goods, needs, and services, in order to make the citizenry dependent upon corporations, thereby increasing private wealth;

fostering a belief on the part of the general citizenry that only the very wealthy are capable of doing the job of governing, and that only the very wealthy are able to successfully run for office;

using the tax code to build an untouchable hereditary aristocracy of wealth;

legalizing bribery of office holders;

substituting corporate lobbyists for legislators in the writing of laws;

colluding with a foreign government;

sleaze;

and nihilism;

the AÜA concludes that The Republican Party has “achieved new lows of subversion of integrity in governance.”

Hail, Republican Party

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