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Donald and the Junkyard Dogs

September 13, 2016

It’s a new bully-band, recently coming together after some rough try-outs, and then some hitches with the original personnel. Backing Trump it’s got Ailes, Bannon, Bossie, and Conway (for convenient alphabet order of power scoring).

They make a mean sound, proto-fascist, looking to dominate, insulting, undisciplined, “always unpredictable” (as Trump describes it), on the verge of chaos (in fact an early candidate for name of the group was “Verge of Chaos,” as well as “Arson,” or “Guns Not Votes,” but those were rejected because they might make the band too predictable; another was “Lye and the Family Sleaze,” but while it sounded musical, it didn’t seem “them”).

Trump and Ailes are the chief lyricists, although Bannon gets in his licks. Trump comes up with many of the ideas. Ailes is the verteran propagandist of the group, a disgraced sexual predator, paranoiac, and man about the bomb shelter who got his start with “Not a Crook” (hit single: “Can’t Kick Me . . . around anymore”). His recent group, “Long Blond Foxy Legs with Big Blue Eyes” had a long run; but the blonds forced him out and then quit.

Cognoscenti will recognize Steve Bannon as the drummer for “Goldman Sucks,” “Breitbart,” and “Hate” (photos). No lurch of a writer, himself, he is, of course, famous for such lines as “Leadership are all cunts. / We should just go buck wild” and “Let the grassroots turn on the hate because / that’s the ONLY thing that will make them / do their duty” (from “Republicans,” available on email).

Loaded with talent and contacts, another arranger for the “Dogs” is David Bossie. Currently on leave from the band, “Citizens United” (recipient of a $100,000 arts grant from a Trump charitable foundation, in 2014, for a project to sue NY AG Schneiderman, who was suing Trump about his musical chairs university), Bossie has also arranged for “Make America Number 1” (hit single: “Defeat Crooked Hillary PAC . . .Keep it straight and don’t worry about PC”).

A surprise member of the group is Kelleyanne Conway. Not previously known for her singing or instrumental performances, she was selected to make appearances and occasionally give a misleading introduction or a denial, while make it look as though girls would be welcomed into the band [update 12-8:  unless you’re a mother]. Her most recent gig was with “WomanTrend,” and she has worked with many top solo artists, including Jack Kemp, Quayle, Newt, and the Christian Rock star, Mike Pence (now running for Vice President of the United States). She recently was the lead for “Promise,” which headlined the fanzine benefit concert for Cuban-American Gospel star, Cruz.

An early writer and arranger for the “Dogs” is Paul Manafort, an international musical chairs operative who earned his chops arranging for dictators Savimbi, Seko, Marcos, and Yanukovych, as well as Republicans Ford, Reagan, Dole, and GHW Bush. He is suspected of writing the hit, “Follow the Money” (you will recognize: “Follow the money / Wherever it goes; / Follow the money / Wherever oil flows”). It is thought that Paul is now either dead or still secretly arranging for “Donald,” but wants to keep a low profile for a time. Or both.

The very first drummer for “Donald” was Corey Lewandowski, who in fact wrote and arranged, with mixed success, the band’s first anthem, “All We Are Saying” (“is let Trump be Trump”). He had been an arranger and drummer for the Koch Bros (NLC) front group, “Americans for Prosperity.” He left the “Dogs” after physically assaulting a woman reporter.

The front Office for “Donald and the Junkyard Dogs” is run by Trump daughter Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner. Also making appearances are the très photogenique sons Donald Jr and Eric, when they are not shooting leopards, and such. The role of daughter “Tiffany” is being filled by daughter Tiffany. Current “Donald” wife, Melania, briefly was given a role as songwriter and solo performer, but was not yet sufficiently skilled at plagiarism.

To date, Donald himself has done all of the singing.

The band might yet expand to include a guitar player.

[A later version of this article will include more links.]

*     *     *     *

Oh my. This hit piece started out as another page of the episode, “Hitleresque,” with the point being: T is putting together an inner circle that can do what a fascist leader needs done.

[Update 10-10:  Bannon might be the lowest of the low, with brains and a real talent for it; but Jared Kushner apparently is a close rival.]

4 Comments
  1. Hilarious. One of your best!

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