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July 7, 2016

I dreamed last night that I was driving at night in a city. I could barely see where I was going, although I knew that I was on my way to the store. Other cars zipped around me, as drivers lost patience. When I arrived, I had a hell of a time parking.

Of course I am having trouble with my eyes. A recurrence of double vision. But the dream is also like narrating this plot. I know that I’m heading for election day, 2016. But I don’t see exactly how I’m going to get there. I don’t even know the route and what it might take me through. I don’t know how I’m going to get this thing parked.

That’s part of the fun of it. But what I really want to say, on this page in early July, four months before the dénouement, is that, while I imagined near the beginning that this thing was going to get very ugly, I failed to anticipate what I am now beginning to imagine, that we’re reaching a great divide, between the forces of change and the forces of reaction. The latter are composed of the wealthy, who abhor change, and who will defend their wealth and privilege at great expense in dollars and in other people’s lives, and the poor devils among the fundamentalists, sexists, racists, and nationalists, who want change but don’t know what or how, and who will defend their privilege, potentially at great expense of spirit, emotion, and other people’s lives.

I almost titled this page, “There Will Be Blood” (no copyright on titles).  But there is already blood.

Maybe I’m way off the mark, unable to see clearly what’s around me. But I want to record this thought at this moment of the plot.

Maybe I’m projecting my own frustration. My own (nonviolent) impatience. Maybe I’m feeling frail these days. But it’s how I’m feeling today, about the plotline. It seems more and more like living on a faultline (which, of course, I do). If I start feeling rumbles in my dreams, we might be in trouble.

Breathe. . .breathe. . .breathe. . . .

[Update a few minutes later.  Well.  Hard to breathe.  Just now watched that video.  It hurts, a lot.]

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